If you have read my blog for a while you will know that I tend to write for a series of articles and then pause for quite a while afterwards. I am highly reflective and although this form of communication helps work out my thoughts and challenges, it also brings new questions that sometimes take weeks to work out. I will share my example.
Over the past 2 years I had a lot of healing to do, but I did not let my poor health stop me from planning along the way and planting seeds which would help as I moved forward. I have challenged myself along the way as well, and each challenge completed brought new opportunities. If my highly active brain is nothing else, it is patient and loves to plan and problem-solve. I finally used this natural skill and applied it to my own life in every possible aspect along the way.
Anyone who has read my articles on narcissism knows that I have had some resentment issues to work out along the way, and I have done my best to deal with them in positive ways, but I also could not help and poke the narcissists in my life when I got the chance. It provided a little short term satisfaction I suppose, but the true intent of it was to create a little anxiety and fear in the narcs in an attempt to spark some sort of empathetic reaction, but I am guessing all I caused was feelings of fear and frustration. I think they use to call this 'tit for tat'.
I always had a few long term goals for if and when I had healed from the psychological abuse I suffered at the hands of a toxic 'Queen Bee' narcissist. One of the goals that drove me was having the ability to finally fight back in a positive and meaningful way so that the abuse of others will stop. When I say fight back, I mean to expose the behaviours of the narcissists involved and hopefully have them removed from their public positions at some point in the future.
I am tired tonight so I will do my best to keep this short and to the point. I have 'poked' at the narcs along the way, but I believe at some point it will be time to 'shove' them. The hard part was determining how to do that and still serve my own inner purpose at the same time. I knew that I would require recognition and have a way to get the attention of people in order to fight my fight, but talk about a difficult task for a guy who is quite humble and does not like that sort of attention.
Well I found a way, and I also found some of my gifts from all the pain and suffering I was caused, and they will also give me the ability to gain the attention I require in a positive way. I took a moderate skill I had been working at for 30 years and finally went for it, I learned to truly play my guitar very well, and my singing voice has improved dramatically over the past few months. I also have used my writing abilities to create several songs for an album i am currently putting together.
You can check out some of my progress here if you like Rational Rhythms
My point is that I want to push back and expose issues in my small community and I now have the means and strength to do so. Good local musicians get a lot of recognition here because there is little to do and they stand out in the small crowd. I am going to use my music to reach out to the public and share my stories along the way. If my pokes didn't bother my enemies too much, I expect my future 'pushes' will hit home in a much more meaningful way.
Narcissists are completely consumed with their public image, so if you are looking to fight back, start there. Don't slander or do anything illegal, just get the attention of those around and tell the truth. That is how we take bullies down!