Thursday, November 9, 2017

Narcissists Surrounded By Narcissists

Sometimes I will sit here early in the morning with no idea what to write about, yet my mind is not completely quiet so there must be something that needs to pop to the surface.  My 'self; has found the courage and determination to take on quarrels that I may have walked away from previously, and my mind is still trying to process.  This is part of the syndrome and pattern which follows long term psychological abuse.

This morning I am trying to figure out which remaining items need to be let go of, and which ones I should press forward at.  I will continue to expose the narcissists and sociopaths in my environment, but it no longer comes from a place of resentment or anger, although at one point, that is where most of the words would have come from.  Fighting back at Narcs is new for me, and i am sharing the process as I go.  I have healed for the most part, researched much more than any normal person ever would, and I can consider myself mentally armed and dangerous, yet only to those who have harmed others.

So that is the direction I will take for today, I will talk about more of those who harm others without recourse.  The organization I focus a good bit of my efforts on is a not for profit literacy agency in West Nipissing.  The business has been around the community for many years and has had different leadership over the years.  It changed dramatically when a new Executive Director was hired on 7 or 8 years ago.  

I am sure the board members at the time had no idea how to spot someone with NPD, and it is quite possible that the symptoms were well hidden at that point, especially since none of these people had ever seen the Narc in a position of power over others.  All they got to learn at the time was what was being presented to them, and the Narc I speak of is the epitome of what we would expect in a full blown narcissist, with charm and a seemingly compassionate nature.

I am not looking to blame others at this point, I am searching for the source of the problem, and how it was allowed to continue and grow as it has.  The Narc I speak of is very clever and devious, and I certainly can not match those types of skills, because I am not an asshole.  This Narc knew exactly which types of people to surround herself with when she 'invited' the new board she created for 'her' new establishment.  She picked mostly narcissistic people that were not as clever as her, and has used their public recognition since to abuse and grow her reign of quiet terror.

I could understand if the people on this 'board of directors' were uneducated, or in a field of work where mental health holds no prevalence, but let's see what we have.  A police chief and a constable play active roles on this board, yet they seem to ignore the abusive behaviours.  I would think that they should be at the forefront of recognizing abuse, but I suppose I am asking too much from these ego-driven individuals and expecting intelligence where there is little.

There is a social worker on that board as well, and if this person cannot recognize the abuse when it is right in front of her face, she may be in the wrong line of work.  It is her profession to see these things.  Maybe it is time for her to go back to school, just not to the school where the board president came from.  It is an elementary school I speak of, but for someone who thinks so highly of herself and has plenty of narcissistic qualities as well, she certainly won't be of any help.  Believe me, I went to this board president after my ordeal and was treated poorly.  I tried to plead my case from a state of weakness at the time while she told me stories of her life and 'fluffed' off my issues.

There is a lawyer and an author on that board as well, and I can find no ethics there to talk about.  I think what it comes down to is that I am hoping to see an ounce of shame or remorse in these people, hoping to see a shred of humanity in them, but so far there has been nothing.  I have been able to heal and I will now fight back until I find solutions this time around, but what about the good people who are still currently being abused?

Well, the game i am playing here is driven by that question.  I have been on the short end of the stick and feel like I have been taken down by a team of narcissists!  One on one would have given me a chance, even two or three against one would have been a fun battle for me I think, but as one 'little guy' against overwhelming odds, I have had to approach this in a very different way.  I may be one person, but as they say, 'the pen is mightier than the sword'.

I will continue to slowly expose the behaviours of these public people and even use many of their narcissistic tools against them.  Because election time in our area is rapidly approaching, I will use this platform to make these issues public, exposing each individual's negative behaviours at a a time when regular citizens are paying attention somewhat. 

If any of the board members or the Director have any aspirations of politics here, they may want to keep reading my blog, and listening to the rants I am sharing around town, because they are going to make things very difficult for you.  You may have climbed to top of the social and business ladder here, but it is time to gather the troops and start yanking those ladders out from beneath you.

These Narcs likely think they can treat people as I was treated and continue climbing, and for the most part they are likely correct.  Most victims are too messed up and exhausted to fight back, and so was I for a long while.  If their behaviour had improved in the time I was healing, I would have just walked on and found something new to drive me forward right now.  Instead, I see the abuse continuing and likely getting worse each day.  That I can no longer allow.

I am only one person right now, but my voice is quite loud, and there are many who enjoy listening to what I have to say.  I expect these Narcs have a bumpy road ahead of them and I am more than happy to provide as many bumps as I can along the way.  The abuse that is going on is still very real, and if you are someone who is involved in this community, you may want to consider helping the problem toward a solution, or I will warn you, you may be a target as well.

It is one thing for this 'director' I speak of to continue her cruel and malicious behaviour behind closed doors, but another completely for her bosses to allow it to keep going.  They have a chance to stop this now, but maybe they are afraid of the head Narc as well.  She could tarnish their reputations quite quickly, and it would likely be her first step.  Don't be an enabler and coward, stand up to this bully and do something to help the victims before it is too late for them.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Fighting Back: Start Local and Play It Like Chess

How long does it take to play a game of chess?  Anyone who has played the game knows that it will very greatly, depending on the skills of the opponents, and how much patience they hold.  That only completely true if there is no time clock involved, but the longer each opponent has, the more time they will have to strategize and make better moves.

I am viewing my current purposes in my life and community as a chess game in order to 'make better moves' so to speak.  My personal chess game to solve my own life issues began quite a while back and you can find indications of this in my earlier articles.  The chess game in my community began yesterday for me.  I found out that I am no longer alone in my struggles in West Nipissing, and that there are a lot of 'pissed off' people out there who want positive change like I do.

What this means for me is that there are more pieces on the board now, especially on my side, and that there is a game that can be won.  There is the ethical side of things where the issues are very people centered, and those are the white pieces of course.  The 'light side of the force' if you are a Star Wars fan like me.  The corrupt public officials involved in nepotism, coercion, and outright bullying of citizens on the other hand easily fit the image of the black pieces on the board. 

Their side still has all the pieces on the board and had almost wiped out the white pieces,, but there are a couple of 'knights' still protecting the king and queen on the white side, and if you have every played chess, the knights can be very dangerous in the way that they move around the board, and we often don't see them coming.  Well, I see the knights already finding ways to get the pawns to the other side safely so they can become queens as well, and the queen holds most of the power.  If you don't believe me, take a look at our community and the so-called leaders we have, and the queens hold way too much power right now.

So let's get to the point of my chess metaphor now.  Our community has one year now to our local elections, and it is my belief that things will heat up more than previous years due to the overabundance of social and economic issues here.  The politicians will be prepping for their photo shoots at all of the local events and working out how to promote themselves in the best light possible.  And for many citizens, they will be fooled by this.

On the other hand, if I and others begin educating our local citizens now, the chess board will begin to even itself out so we can get to the source of the real problems, instead of being fooled by the glitter and glam that the politicians will use.  Because we know more about narcissistic behaviours, hopefully more people will see past the surface of these people and look beyond their masks.  The black pieces on the board have been strutting around arrogantly for too long now, and I have to believe they are getting a little nervous for the first time in a long while.

I am quite obviously sitting with the few white pieces right now preparing for battle, and gain much confidence as more pieces come back to the board.  By the way black pieces, I am an excellent chess player, and a tremendously patient individual.  I believe this is going to be a very long and tough year for you all, but remember, you can always atone and join the white pieces as well, you do have that choice!  But that choice won't last long once the battle truly begins.

Welcome to the chess match people, you are welcome as spectators or even better, become a participant in the game.  Educate yourself, show up at council meetings, make your presence known and let the black pieces know that you are ready for change.  I went to college for social work and was trained as what they call a 'change agent'.  I am all for social change when it is needed and my hopes are that good and compassionate citizens will stand up and fight for positive change as well.

I will support the politicians and town officials who are people centered, but if you are self-centered then unfortunately we will have to remove you from the board this time around.

Narcissists Are Pros When Playing 'The Vicitm'

If you have ever had to spend an abundance of time with someone who has NPD(narcissistic personality disorder), you have experienced the part where you stand up for yourself after the abuse becomes too much to handle, and the Narc plays the victim.  It becomes a lose-lose situation for the real victim in the situation.  The Narc will play a victim as well as professional athlete plays their sport.

I often use a sport's analogy when talking to others about narcissism because their games and drama are like a sport to them where they are highly skilled, and their victims are always novices.  Professional athletes often like the challenge of pitting their skills against other pros, but narcissists will almost always prey on weaknesses in others.  Not weak people, often their prey are strong people whose weaknesses and vulnerabilities are easily manipulated by a skilled sociopath.  Often the weakness preyed upon is empathy combined with compassion.

Playing the victim role gives the narc exactly what they need for their supply and control.  They gain the sympathies of those around them and create 'flying monkeys' who will do almost anything to appease the narcissist, especially to calm situation.  It becomes the constant anxiety and conflict that keeps the victims off balance, while the drama being caused keeps the focus on the narcissist, and they maintain their control of the others.

If you are looking for signs around you to see if there is something not right about this narcissistic person, look for a double standard in how you are treated as opposed to how the narc expects to be treated.  You will find little or no equality there.  I should clarify that not all narcissists become bad people, it is merely the intent that is underlying the disorder.  Look for the intent of the narc rather than trying to sort out their actions.

If you are looking for a 'show' to amuse you, do your best to sit back and observe the narc the next time she plays the victim.  When viewing it objectively instead of subjectively, you will often find that you are watching a 'soap opera' actress throwing a temper tantrum.  It can be quite amusing if you know what you are looking at, but if you are stuck in the mire of the narc's shitty world, you will often get only more anxiety and frustration from their behaviour.

Don't be fooled by the narc's victim status, they will wear it like a badge in order to pull you back into the 'dark side of the force'. I love Star Wars references by the way. I see narcissists as the evil imperialists and Sith lords, and the victims often appear as the Jedis who are constantly being crapped on while they fight for 'good'.

I write a lot of my stuff in general terms, but as I have stated before, I have a 'muse' of sorts for the projection of my issues and ideas, and she is evil at the core.  It seems the more people I talk to in our community, the more that are starting to realize this as well.  And of course I am always happy to fill in some of the details for them.

When you begin to discover the symptoms and tactics of a narcissist or person with NPD, you learn to view their behaviours in a different way.  Where I used to feel anxiety and frustration every single day, I now often view their behaviours with amusement, and I find I treat them like children now.  That of course tends to fuel their negative behaviours even further, and I often escalate these types of situations now.  Although I can handle the 'long game' that the narc likes to employ, I like to see them remove their masks much more quickly now, so i tend to push the envelope a little more forcefully.

So the next time you see someone stand up to the narc and puts them in their place, watch closely as the narc uses their tactics to turn themselves into the victim, even though they are likely getting exactly what they deserved.  They will smear the person they perceive as the attacker and use anyone around them they can find to sympathize and support their victim status.  Stop feeling bad for the narcissist, please!  Stand up for the real victims in these situations.

Yes, it will likely make things more difficult for you as the narc attacks you as well, but at least your true inner self will be proud of you, instead of bringing you much guilt later for not helping the real victim.  The bullying logo for our community last year was Step up, stand up I believe, and I am asking you to do exactly that.  If you have ever been the real victim while the Narc plays the victim, you will know how horrible this feels when those around you turn their backs toward the fake victim.

Don't be an enabler, stop being a flying monkey, and if you don't know what these terms mean, look them up, it only takes a few seconds.  If you are a good person, you will find that you don't want to be one of these negative terms, but if you only think you are a good person and are please with being a narc supporter, maybe you should get to a mental health professional and get yourself checked out. 

Contact me anytime and I will be happy to provide you with an assessment of your status in this regard.
Namaste and good day

Monday, November 6, 2017

Fight Back-One Narcissist At A Time

This article will appeal more to the locals here in West Nipissing, but others may find similarities from my story in your own local communities.  If you have read any of my previous articles on narcissists and NPD, you will know that I am currently searching and testing my theories in regards to fighting back against abusive beings such as these bullies, we have them in every community, they are just often harder to spot because they market themselves so cleverly.  Kind of like a politician will, and we know how honest and straightforward they can be. (please note the sarcasm in that statement)

I am not saying all politicians are narcissists or bad people, there are many excellent people in politics, but they are usually harder to find.  I am writing this article because we have a municipal election coming up next year and now is as good a time as any to start stirring up the issues which need to be addressed, and give the people lots of time to consider how change needs to happen.  I plan to play my part in those changes since I am a very vocal advocate who has wanted to see the possibility of reform in our broken community.

I see glimpses of that possibility, if i want to listen to local rumours happening right now.  I don't like rumours at all, but there is often some form of merit in all rumours.  I would have to say that taking our current mayor out of power is definitely the first step, and many would agree with this statement wholeheartedly.  It is one thing to remove a broken official, but another completely when considering who the replacement will be.

There is a rumour about an excellent candidate who is considering running for the position, and it has provided me with some hope of reform.  This hope gives me the spark I need to continue on my own personal fight here in the community, because it may actually help to create the changes which are needed so greatly here.  There is even an abundance of issues surrounding our current chief of police which is adding to division of our people. 

These town officials are not my current focus, but at some point I am sure they will become part of it, and I welcome that debate.  My focus is still upon the 'puppeteer' as I call her, who hides in her little not-for-profit kingdom and finds ways to pull the strings of many of our VIP's, or at least pull the wool over their eyes.  She is so very good at that!

It is definitely the right time to begin exposing the truths that I hold about these public employees.  This is only the beginning of this.  After all of the abuse I suffered at the hands of a very public person in our community, I was broken and completely anxiety ridden, with a toxic pit in the middle of my stomach every single day.  It took a long while and a lot of hard work and reflection, but that pit is almost gone.  I found peace of mind and that part is delightful.  

Peace of mind has become a little boring for me though.  Peace is a great way to hide and suppress our emotions which is how we find it most of the time.  But underneath that peace always seems to be something trying to pull it away from me still.  I concluded in an earlier article that this is because I have a need to fight back, and that is what I am 'seeding' here.  This is my beginning, but I also believe the end for others.

You can climb as high as you like and do all the perceived good you want to, but if someone pulls the rug out from underneath you in the end, all that 'good' will be washed away.  This is why we should always be careful who we step over along the way.  I was not the right person to step over!  I am that person who will happily help lift anyone up, but don't step on me.  This devious woman stepped on me way too many times and continues to step on other good people, and i will no longer allow it.

She likely believes all her marketing of herself has and is creating some sort of legacy to leave behind.  She is likely correct if nobody ever brings the truth to the surface.  If she was to leave her position now, I may even close my mouth at this point and not say another word about the situation, but I don't see that happening any time soon.  So I will have to continue forward until a solution has been provided.   I can guarantee the legacy she hopes for and the one she will have after I write my articles will be very different.  And this goes for the other public officials I will share about in the near future.  One narcissist at a time is all I can handle right now.

I am doing my best to focus on the ethics these people should hold in their very public positions, and I will attempt to not make the issues personal, but this is often difficult.  My question I will ponder is, why would we allow a bullying narcissist to have the responsibility of helping our most vulnerable citizens?  Especially when this one even makes these already broken individuals cry quite often.  The quick answer is that she is governed by even more narcissists, not all of them mind you, but enough of them to keep the biggest narc at the forefront.

Any of you who know a little about the inner workings of our community, or those who know me well, know exactly what I am speaking about here I would think.  I will give more details over the next days for those who don't.  What I do know is that if any of the people I am referring to are reading this and remember the truths that I hold, there will be an odd feeling in the pit of their stomach, much like the one that grew in mine over a couple of year in a highly toxic environment, and it won't feel very nice at all.

If you are one of these and do feel that, maybe you can empathize with me for one moment when you realize what I dealt with.  I would also suggest you don't read any more of my articles because i guarantee my words will make your pit grow.  For me it was my anxiety disorder and manufactured fear, but yours will be a combination of both fear and guilt.  I said I would use my theories of fighting back to continue this process until solutions are found, and now is the time where i will push forward regularly to bring balance back to the 'force' so to speak.

Hey Narcs, you should have treated all of us good, caring and compassionate people better along the way.  I could stand back and let Karma do the work but that won't take effect until the next lifetime.  I would like to see those changes happen , and happen sooner than later!

Namaste and good day all

p.s. I believe I may run for council person in the next election.  Just warning you.  Whether I am successful or not, I will get to share my truths with many!

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Bully The Bully: Finding Ways To Fight Narcissism

If there is good article or journal on NPD (Narc) and general narcissism out there on the internet,  I have likely scanned or read it.  This is not really true of course, but I would have to believe that I have read through over half of the huge pile of information to be found.  Just like every other person abused by a Narc, I knew some terrible things had happened, especially within myself, and I had a great need to understand it all better in the hopes that I could eventually heal.

I have healed for the most part from my ordeal, yet lingering things still arise, and when they do I tend to face them head-on these days, as opposed to flight instinct that had its hold when I first left my abusive situation. These lingering feelings of resentment or fear have offered me some self purpose, and used correctly, should help me finish the healing process.

It took a long time and much deep reflection to gain the understanding needed to turn the flight instinct and fear based thinking off.  That is what the Narc's game often is, to keep you off balance and out of control on a regular basis so that you can more easily be controlled by them through fear.  The Narc will keep you in this state, and on what i call the 'rollercoaster ride' as long as they possibly can.  And when the ride is over, they will toss you into the tracks, grab their new victims or flying monkeys, and roll right over top of you.

The idea of the roller coaster ride is where my point today is headed.  The Narc has many mental tools in their arsenal and can be highly clever, devious, and downright evil in the use of these tools. If you aren't being 'love bombed' then you could be suffering the silent treatment or stonewalling at that point.  If 'gaslighting' isn't the tool of choice today and all seems well at the moment, maybe you are being 'triangulated' and the 'flying monkeys' are helping to make you feel isolated right in the middle of it all.

The Narc I use as my 'muse' for these articles has all of the tools, and can use them as well as any I have encountered before.  She is a master puppeteer, and still has many fooled, but not all.  I believe the cracks in the armour are finally beginning to show.  All Narcs eventually can't help but show their hidden side at some point, they are usually just very careful about who they show it to.

I have a working theory at the moment in fighting back at our Narcs.  If they are able to use our weaknesses against us and keep us off balance until we break, why can we not do the same in return.  Sure you can call this 'sinking to their level', 'retaliation', 'revenge' and even say that if their intent is malicious, wouldn't ours be as well?

My theory is that if I can find ways to unbalance my Narc through exposing their weaknesses, that they will eventually lose control of the illusion they have created, and their true self will begin to show.  Kind of like a slow and arduous exorcism where I am pulling the demon to the surface so that it can no longer fool others and abuse its victims.

The Narcs most important possession is their reputation or image.  I have to believe that is the place to start.  Put their image in jeopardy and their fear will grow, just as mine did when my anxiety was used against me on a daily basis.  It is also my belief that if I throw the silent treatment in once in a while, it will keep the Narc inside her own head wondering what I will do next.  The more I look at how I was treated, the more ideas I find in fighting this bully, and hopefully others in the future.

I plan to expose a little at a time and watch for the results.  I feel a bit like a bully I suppose, but I have spent much of my life standing up to the bullies of others and must believe that someone is supposed to do so.  Someone has to bully the bullies once in a while in the hopes that they will eventually understand how it feels, and giving the bully the opportunity to experience empathy, maybe for the first time in their lives.

My approach may be seen as passive aggressive one, and I am okay with that.  If my approach is successful, I will expose this Narc for who she is, and the problem can then be dealt with.  The bullying of others will hopefully stop at that point and I will consider my methods a success.  I cannot change what happened to me and nor would I, but I can no longer be a bystander who watches the abuse and bullying continue.

It is often said that 'the truth shall set you free'.  I will use only the truth and my words in an attempt to set all those affected free.  If the Narc has never been on a roller coaster ride like this one before, I will warn them, this will not be a fun ride, but i will try to make it exciting for you.  If the Narc I am speaking of is reading this, I forgive you for what you did to me, but I can not quite forgive your continued abuse of others at this time.  To use my ego for a moment, you pissed off the wrong person this time! But hey, if you feel you have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to fear from the truth.

I will start the ride right here.  I have taken parts of my book and shared them with a few prominent people in our community and they were taken aback when they learned the other side of the Narc's behaviour.  Word seems to spread quite quickly in our small community and I plan to use that to my advantage, just like the Narc did during their 'smear campaign' of me. The difference between her campaign and mine is that her was filled with lies and deceit whereas mine is just filled with truths.

I will share the events that unfold here along the way in the hopes that I can help other victims find ways to fight back at their bullying Narcs.  They 'mirrored' your behaviours in order to learn your weaknesses and then used them to put you off balance.  Why not try the same in return?  I think 'An eye for an eye' fits very well here.

I will leave you with my quote of yesterday.  If you are climbing the ladder of life right now, be careful who you step on or over as you do because that person may pull the ladder right out from beneath you.

Have a great day everyone!