Monday, January 23, 2017
Rather than using a process that is similar to reverse engineering to repair mental health issues, I believe we should be simply 'engineering, a person's true self, in order to give them the strength to deal with problems on their own. Others cannot fix our inner self, only we can.
I am fortunate that I found my true self a few years back, and for the most part I am able to calmly and humbly deal with almost anything in a peaceful and satisfying way. But even someone who has inner strength can be systematically drained by evil people. I left a situation many months ago which almost destroyed my inner self due to ongoing psychological abuse.
If you have ever endured the emotional abuse that comes from someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder or a Sociopath, then you will understand the trauma that comes along with it. By the time we recognize the abuse, we are already in a weakened state and it is difficult to fight back in any way. So the advice you will find from thousands of people writing about this sort of abuse is to simply walk away and take as much time as need to rebuild yourself.
These abusers will not only destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence, but will also have you believing that everything is your fault. No matter how well you have treated everyone involved, the narcissist will take control of the situation and do all they can to discredit everything about you, and even those you believe were your good friends will turn on you in an instant, because they are being lied to as well. Most people who have never suffered the trauma of emotional abuse have no idea how to identify narcissistic behaviour because the wool has been pulled over their eyes.
I worked with a counselor for many months afterwards to try and gain some sort of understanding of why it happened. I have no doubt that the clients I worked with would tell you positive things about me and what I did for them, yet I got to walk away feeling empty and alone, even though I gave my all. I had a lot of resentment to deal with and it took months to work from the outside in.
It has taken me many months to put this down in writing because I was suffering from the draining negativity of my memories in regards to my situation. Working from the outside in is not the way to repair ourselves and thank goodness that epiphany finally hit me over the past couple of weeks. I began to focus on my inner self once I had removed much of the mental weight, and lo and behold I found some peace.
Once I found my peaceful spot once again, the advocate in me returned, along with my self-confidence and esteem. I was able to remind myself that those people were never truly my friends in the first place, and that it was my mistake to trust them. It is so easy to trust a narcissist or sociopath because on the surface they are often the most likeable people you will ever meet, and as long as you never see past their surface, you will remain with only an illusion of that person and never get to see the underlying evil.
How will I fight back against these demons in the world? Through education and exposure. Teach people to recognize these evil people in our world so we can all better protect ourselves. If you were to judge me by my actions over the past years you would easily see a helpful and empathetic person who always has good intent. If you were to judge me by what others say about me, that may be another story.
I am very direct and honest in my approach to life and this often upsets people because often we don't like to hear the truth. Most people are still struggling with their egos and love to hear what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. Telling people what they need to hear, or the truth, can quickly make you a very unpopular person in this corrupt world of ours, which is often based in deceit and lies.
If I only continued to work on things from the outside in, then I would still be filled with anger and resentment which I could either wallow in, or do something destructive about to appease my inner self. Instead I went back to the approach of working from the inside out, and now I have mostly peace to share.
This negative situation I was dealt was just another learning experience that I must have needed for personal growth. Each time I have been faced with long and short term psychological abuse, it has caused me to suffer greatly, but each instance led me to more personal growth. It is difficult being an enlightened being in an environment with very few who are not.
I wrote many thousands of words over the past few months about mental health and will continue to do so, but you may see my approach change somewhat. I was drawn back into negativity through abuse, but have found my positivity within once again, and it is much stronger than it was before.
My plan is to help others in my community and on my blog with personal growth, and how to begin rebuilding your true self. We will find more self-confidence and esteem which will fuel our true selves while giving the strength to finally deal with any mental health issue we are suffering from.
For all of those who turned your backs on me in my time of need, I say shame on you! Not for how you treated me personally, but for how you treated another human being in their time of suffering. Thank goodness it is not my job to dole out any sort of punishment or consequence because Karma will take care of that for us all. We are all judged for our actions at the end of this life and we will be faced with our true self. Most people can not handle this realization and their egos still create the illusion that their actions are just, even when they are hurting others in the process.
Once we remove the ego and the illusion, all that is left is our inner self, so why not begin working on it now. The true self is your 'God' within which will judge us once the ego has died. I am ready to judge myself for all of my actions in this world, are you?