Tuesday, November 7, 2017
Narcissists Are Pros When Playing 'The Vicitm'
If you have ever had to spend an abundance of time with someone who has NPD(narcissistic personality disorder), you have experienced the part where you stand up for yourself after the abuse becomes too much to handle, and the Narc plays the victim. It becomes a lose-lose situation for the real victim in the situation. The Narc will play a victim as well as professional athlete plays their sport.
I often use a sport's analogy when talking to others about narcissism because their games and drama are like a sport to them where they are highly skilled, and their victims are always novices. Professional athletes often like the challenge of pitting their skills against other pros, but narcissists will almost always prey on weaknesses in others. Not weak people, often their prey are strong people whose weaknesses and vulnerabilities are easily manipulated by a skilled sociopath. Often the weakness preyed upon is empathy combined with compassion.
Playing the victim role gives the narc exactly what they need for their supply and control. They gain the sympathies of those around them and create 'flying monkeys' who will do almost anything to appease the narcissist, especially to calm situation. It becomes the constant anxiety and conflict that keeps the victims off balance, while the drama being caused keeps the focus on the narcissist, and they maintain their control of the others.
If you are looking for signs around you to see if there is something not right about this narcissistic person, look for a double standard in how you are treated as opposed to how the narc expects to be treated. You will find little or no equality there. I should clarify that not all narcissists become bad people, it is merely the intent that is underlying the disorder. Look for the intent of the narc rather than trying to sort out their actions.
If you are looking for a 'show' to amuse you, do your best to sit back and observe the narc the next time she plays the victim. When viewing it objectively instead of subjectively, you will often find that you are watching a 'soap opera' actress throwing a temper tantrum. It can be quite amusing if you know what you are looking at, but if you are stuck in the mire of the narc's shitty world, you will often get only more anxiety and frustration from their behaviour.
Don't be fooled by the narc's victim status, they will wear it like a badge in order to pull you back into the 'dark side of the force'. I love Star Wars references by the way. I see narcissists as the evil imperialists and Sith lords, and the victims often appear as the Jedis who are constantly being crapped on while they fight for 'good'.
I write a lot of my stuff in general terms, but as I have stated before, I have a 'muse' of sorts for the projection of my issues and ideas, and she is evil at the core. It seems the more people I talk to in our community, the more that are starting to realize this as well. And of course I am always happy to fill in some of the details for them.
When you begin to discover the symptoms and tactics of a narcissist or person with NPD, you learn to view their behaviours in a different way. Where I used to feel anxiety and frustration every single day, I now often view their behaviours with amusement, and I find I treat them like children now. That of course tends to fuel their negative behaviours even further, and I often escalate these types of situations now. Although I can handle the 'long game' that the narc likes to employ, I like to see them remove their masks much more quickly now, so i tend to push the envelope a little more forcefully.
So the next time you see someone stand up to the narc and puts them in their place, watch closely as the narc uses their tactics to turn themselves into the victim, even though they are likely getting exactly what they deserved. They will smear the person they perceive as the attacker and use anyone around them they can find to sympathize and support their victim status. Stop feeling bad for the narcissist, please! Stand up for the real victims in these situations.
Yes, it will likely make things more difficult for you as the narc attacks you as well, but at least your true inner self will be proud of you, instead of bringing you much guilt later for not helping the real victim. The bullying logo for our community last year was Step up, stand up I believe, and I am asking you to do exactly that. If you have ever been the real victim while the Narc plays the victim, you will know how horrible this feels when those around you turn their backs toward the fake victim.
Don't be an enabler, stop being a flying monkey, and if you don't know what these terms mean, look them up, it only takes a few seconds. If you are a good person, you will find that you don't want to be one of these negative terms, but if you only think you are a good person and are please with being a narc supporter, maybe you should get to a mental health professional and get yourself checked out.
Contact me anytime and I will be happy to provide you with an assessment of your status in this regard.
Namaste and good day