Friday, November 3, 2017

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse-Learning To Fight Back

As I step forward each day into the rest of the healing process, I find new and interesting aspects to overcoming psychological and emotional abuse.  Anyone who knows the basics about NPD and general narcissism, knows that they are very good at playing the victim when someone returns the behaviours that they used against you in the first place.  They will use anything they can find to garner sympathy from those around them, especially their flying monkeys.

I don't condone the behaviour of the flying monkeys, but know how off balance the real victims can be in these situations, and their minds are often out of control and cloudy, even though they often don't even know it themselves at the time.  Once you can stand back and take a clear objective view of the reality you have been faced with, you get the chance to reflect and find out how out of control you really were at the time.  I was astounded myself when this realization occurred.

So if I am able to keep my narc abuser off balance with my words, and by reminding her that my truths will likely tarnish all illusions she has created for those around her, and all the good that was accomplished off of the backs of the abused will eventually take away all memories of any good that was created out of it.  What a shame for everyone involved, but should the malignant narcissist walk away untarnished after all of this? 

Some will say yes and to continue the 'no contact' philosophy, but I say that if I know a problem exists and that others are being affected negatively, as I was, then I cannot be an enabler or bystander anymore!

As I continue to add pages to my book, it reminds me that words can be so very powerful, and that I am about to tarnish the reputations of several narcissists in my community at the same time.  Some of them even stood by my abuser and treated me just as poorly as she did, and someone needs to tell that story, because it is not just me who has been affected in very deep and negative ways from these people.  Other good people have also suffered many of the effects of emotional and psychological abuse from the very same person and people i am referring to, and they all show narcissistic qualities.

I guess they like to bully in teams because they have such weak hearts inside.  I feel badly for them in some ways, but I cannot condone their behaviours any more.  I plan to start posting parts of my book on a separate site and will share the link here eventually.  I want the people in my community to get a taste of some of the corruption, nepotism, and bullying going on in much of our municipality, the things most of them never get to see because they only see the surface, which is being 'presented' and marketed to them.

This blog for the moment is my way of striking back at narcissists in the hopes that i may learn some successful methods in dealing with them.  I will share both my successes and failures as I go along, but for those who still like creep my pages and check up on me, just know that you are likely on my 'list' right now.  If you are on my list, and I hold a truth about you that you may feel some guilt towards, maybe it is time for you to do some self reflecting for the first time in your life, and actually try to grow as human being.

Otherwise wait until the truth emerges and deal with it at that time, but the truth cannot be hidden forever, especially in this case.  I am certainly not out to destroy or hurt anyone, I am simply trying to teach a lesson that needs to be learned.  My hopes are that I will be able to teach a narc or two the hard lessons that we had to learn, so they can maybe find a way to experience empathy for the first time.

There is lots of information about going no contact with narcissists, I am hoping to help with a more aggressive approach where the abused eventually have a way to fight back and gain their confidence and self-esteem back.  Don't ever fight back with violence or malice, fight back with kindness and compassion.  I mean this in the way a parent would teach and condition a child, using a firm but loving hand. I suggest using words instead of the hand though!

1 comment:

  1. I bring good tidings to anybody who is still in a relationship with a narcissist. I do not think about him, wonder about him, look back on those years as good ones, yearn for him and SOMEBODY WROTE THIS: IS THERE A WAY TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX-NARCISSIST? Why in the world would anybody want to be? The best thing about that Narcissistic ass was ME. I made him laugh and made him happy until he sucked me dry and the warning signs were there from the start but I had no idea what he meant when he said, "I've been known to be a narcissist." That was in 2006. There were two books on the subject at Barnes and Noble and both of them were incorrect. Ed, the narcissist, should have explained what being a narcissist meant but why would he do that? Here are a few ways to know if you are going into the hellish nightmare called "Romance with the narcissist." He, no matter how insulting and mean and cruel he is to you, HE WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE AND HE NEVER HAS. If he does, it is done because he will get something out of it. He cannot love you because he has a fragile self-image so your job is to hold him up while he drags you down and everything you love with him. Donald Trump has NPD. He said "Why should I have to ask for Jesus to forgive me when I've never done anything wrong?" That's a narcissist in a nutshell. How many years did I suffer when that "Nightmare of his romance" ended? Because he and they know how to set up women or men (women are narcissists too) and actually create this wonderful romance where he sends you love poems and songs and emails and calls you constantly until you start having anxiety attacks when you see his phone number displayed on your cell phone. When he's done with you - WHEN HE'S TAKEN ALL HE CAN AND WANTED TO, HE WILL ACT LIKE YOU ARE A PIECE OF DOG CRAP ON HIS SHOE THAT NEEDS TO BE KICKED OFF AND CLEANED. Of course you hold on to him because one time for a month or two, he made you feel wonderfully loved and adored and it meant and means nothing to the narcissist. Now, why would you fight to stay with him? Why would you want to remain friends with him? Would you let your daughter date him? Or would you protect her from him? They are really not nice or good people but if you have something they want, they are ENTITLED TO RAPE YOU OR STEAL FROM YOU or take anything they want from you. If this man was walking towards me on the street, I would not be aware of him at all. There is no emotional charge where he is concerned but it took me about five years to understand that, from the beginning, he stamped me with an expiration date and then created this romance that also meant nothing because I meant nothing to him and now he means nothing to me. Every single thing he did to me was a manipulation to get what he wanted. First clue is: they have never apologized to anyone and they will hurt you badly - even ruthlessly and, if he's really a creepy narc. you will apologize to him for his bad behavior. They live to make you jealous of what they have and it's another ploy that's meaningless. They are control freaks too. Steer very clear of this man or woman. They love to make you suffer.