Sunday, November 5, 2017
Bully The Bully: Finding Ways To Fight Narcissism
If there is good article or journal on NPD (Narc) and general narcissism out there on the internet, I have likely scanned or read it. This is not really true of course, but I would have to believe that I have read through over half of the huge pile of information to be found. Just like every other person abused by a Narc, I knew some terrible things had happened, especially within myself, and I had a great need to understand it all better in the hopes that I could eventually heal.
I have healed for the most part from my ordeal, yet lingering things still arise, and when they do I tend to face them head-on these days, as opposed to flight instinct that had its hold when I first left my abusive situation. These lingering feelings of resentment or fear have offered me some self purpose, and used correctly, should help me finish the healing process.
It took a long time and much deep reflection to gain the understanding needed to turn the flight instinct and fear based thinking off. That is what the Narc's game often is, to keep you off balance and out of control on a regular basis so that you can more easily be controlled by them through fear. The Narc will keep you in this state, and on what i call the 'rollercoaster ride' as long as they possibly can. And when the ride is over, they will toss you into the tracks, grab their new victims or flying monkeys, and roll right over top of you.
The idea of the roller coaster ride is where my point today is headed. The Narc has many mental tools in their arsenal and can be highly clever, devious, and downright evil in the use of these tools. If you aren't being 'love bombed' then you could be suffering the silent treatment or stonewalling at that point. If 'gaslighting' isn't the tool of choice today and all seems well at the moment, maybe you are being 'triangulated' and the 'flying monkeys' are helping to make you feel isolated right in the middle of it all.
The Narc I use as my 'muse' for these articles has all of the tools, and can use them as well as any I have encountered before. She is a master puppeteer, and still has many fooled, but not all. I believe the cracks in the armour are finally beginning to show. All Narcs eventually can't help but show their hidden side at some point, they are usually just very careful about who they show it to.
I have a working theory at the moment in fighting back at our Narcs. If they are able to use our weaknesses against us and keep us off balance until we break, why can we not do the same in return. Sure you can call this 'sinking to their level', 'retaliation', 'revenge' and even say that if their intent is malicious, wouldn't ours be as well?
My theory is that if I can find ways to unbalance my Narc through exposing their weaknesses, that they will eventually lose control of the illusion they have created, and their true self will begin to show. Kind of like a slow and arduous exorcism where I am pulling the demon to the surface so that it can no longer fool others and abuse its victims.
The Narcs most important possession is their reputation or image. I have to believe that is the place to start. Put their image in jeopardy and their fear will grow, just as mine did when my anxiety was used against me on a daily basis. It is also my belief that if I throw the silent treatment in once in a while, it will keep the Narc inside her own head wondering what I will do next. The more I look at how I was treated, the more ideas I find in fighting this bully, and hopefully others in the future.
I plan to expose a little at a time and watch for the results. I feel a bit like a bully I suppose, but I have spent much of my life standing up to the bullies of others and must believe that someone is supposed to do so. Someone has to bully the bullies once in a while in the hopes that they will eventually understand how it feels, and giving the bully the opportunity to experience empathy, maybe for the first time in their lives.
My approach may be seen as passive aggressive one, and I am okay with that. If my approach is successful, I will expose this Narc for who she is, and the problem can then be dealt with. The bullying of others will hopefully stop at that point and I will consider my methods a success. I cannot change what happened to me and nor would I, but I can no longer be a bystander who watches the abuse and bullying continue.
It is often said that 'the truth shall set you free'. I will use only the truth and my words in an attempt to set all those affected free. If the Narc has never been on a roller coaster ride like this one before, I will warn them, this will not be a fun ride, but i will try to make it exciting for you. If the Narc I am speaking of is reading this, I forgive you for what you did to me, but I can not quite forgive your continued abuse of others at this time. To use my ego for a moment, you pissed off the wrong person this time! But hey, if you feel you have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to fear from the truth.
I will start the ride right here. I have taken parts of my book and shared them with a few prominent people in our community and they were taken aback when they learned the other side of the Narc's behaviour. Word seems to spread quite quickly in our small community and I plan to use that to my advantage, just like the Narc did during their 'smear campaign' of me. The difference between her campaign and mine is that her was filled with lies and deceit whereas mine is just filled with truths.
I will share the events that unfold here along the way in the hopes that I can help other victims find ways to fight back at their bullying Narcs. They 'mirrored' your behaviours in order to learn your weaknesses and then used them to put you off balance. Why not try the same in return? I think 'An eye for an eye' fits very well here.
I will leave you with my quote of yesterday. If you are climbing the ladder of life right now, be careful who you step on or over as you do because that person may pull the ladder right out from beneath you.
Have a great day everyone!