Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Thursday, November 30, 2017
If you have ever been abused or negatively affected by the behaviours of a narcissist, you will know that there is little, or nothing humorous about it at all. Yet I have decided to poke a little fun at my own narcissist abuser by creating satirical stories about her. I am using only true accountings of her actions and a name that sounds similar, but is a lot more fun.
It is easy to toxify our inner self with the negative thoughts and emotions that come along with memories of narcissist abuse, and I have had my share of those. As I search for and test ways to fight back at narcissists in a proper and meaningful way, it is difficult not to let the bad thoughts and feelings take over.
After re-reading the first 60 pages of my book, I can sense my frustration in the words, and although they are truthful and emphatic, they still leave me feeling a little pissed off rather than relieved. I discovered I need a more positive way to present the story, so I plan to practice a more satirical approach which I am hoping will be more empowering to the reader, while still getting my points across. And if I happen to poke fun at the images of local narcissists along the way, well I am okay with that, but have a feeling that they won't like my portrayal of them very much.
The antics of a narcissist can be quite comical to watch when you clearly know what you are seeing, and when you can be objective about what you see. It is horrible being abused, but once you can detach your emotions from it, it looks very different. I am hoping that by creating a 'lighter' side to narcissist abuse, I will be able to offer a different perspective to the issue. The less anger and frustration the abused person has towards their abuse, the easier it will be to cope.
So why not find a funny or satirical way to have a little fun with the narc? I expect this method will be more effective than mere truth because the narc will just lie herself through things as she defends herself and finds ways to further smear the victim. Instead, the humorous approach allows the truth to still be exposed, while offering the narc something that is less easy to defend.
It is another way to draw the narcissist out from behind their team of flying monkeys because she will eventually have to go on the defense. She has spent much too long in the offensive position and I am about to change that. I got tired of the defense position and left the game a while back. Now that I have healed and have the strength, I think I deserve a chance in offense for a change!
Narciisists of the world, prepare to defend yourselves! New research and tools are been developed all the time for narcissist abuse victims, and I plan to play my part as both a victim and mental health worker. I hope I will offer a few things over time which will help you fight back too. Fighting back is a big part of the healing process because you get the ability to rebuild your self esteem and confidence.
Satire is s newer form of writing for me, but I am finding it enjoyable. Once I finish the first couple I will get them posted here and introduce you to the characters involved.
Have a great day everyone and be well
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
This statement from the Christian Bible is widely known and has many different interpretations. As someone who was born and raised as a Christian, I have heard it many times and wondered what the true meaning is. Now that I am what you may call an agnostic, I still have many of root beliefs within the words of Christianity, and although I am not what you would consider a practicing Christian, I still see Jesus as one of my top three philosophers.
As the world has evolved and changed over the past 2000 years, it is difficult to say exactly what the words in the Bible mean because the perception of the writers at that time would be completely different than our perception of the world that we have now. We do have histories that show that there was a huge imbalance in human rights due to the Roman conquest, and when you look at things in modern terms, the world has become quite similar once again. We all know what is referred to when talk about the 'one percent' who rule the world.
So if we consider the statement, "The meek shall inherit the Earth', and view it in lateral perceptions, who is being referred to as 'the meek', and why will they inherit the Earth?
I have often pondered this question throughout my life, but it was not until I woke up completely that I began to understand what the answer is. If you Google the word meek, the definition that comes up is this, 'quiet, gentle, and easily imposed on; submissive'. People with these qualities certainly don't seem like the type who could conquer or 'inherit' the current world, do they? So either the statement is false, or there is something that we are missing.
I believe that Jesus understood the world and had answers to things that we still don't understand fully, so I assume the statement to be true for this purpose. I have a knowledgeable take on what the 'awakening' process is, and have been watching its evolution for many years. As I have been waiting for others to wake up and begin to recognize their ego for what it is, I have been researching anything I could find and wrote millions of words about it.
The 'ego awakening' that is happening right now finally made sense to me when I came in contact with the books of Eckhart Tolle. I thought I may be losing my mind at the time, but realized after reading his book a few years back that what was happening to me was normal, it was just rare at the time so I felt out of place.
We have entered a paradox in the evolutionary process where we have learned to recognize our ego and mind for what it is. Once the awakening process begins there are only two ways to go, we can take control of our ego or be consumed by it, and believe me, it is so much easier to be consumed by it, and this why those who are taking control are having such a hard time functioning in the world right now.
We look around and all we can see is masses of people who are completely consumed by their egos, and the current world is designed for them to thrive. It is difficult to watch evil succeed while good seems to be waning at every corner.
Recognize the ego for what it is; a collective dysfunction, the insanity of the human mind. -Eckhart Tolle
What does recognizing the ego mean? It means to recognize our mind for the processor that it is and realize that this is not who we are. If that makes sense to you, you are likely waking up right now, if it does not make sense then you likely have not found this within yet. Don't worry, evolution won't leave you out of the process, you just may not be able yet to handle what you find. Recognizing your ego is the beginning and the most difficult part of the journey.
Although the initial awakening can be quite a blissful state to be in, don't let your ego fool you into thinking that it was simply that easy. Recognizing your ego starts you down the path of self-reflection, and most people like to resist this path because we are afraid of what we will find. If the ego continues to resist, it will eventually consume you and your true self will be lost in the world that has been created for us. You become a slave to the system.
If you can handle the self-reflective state, I recommend you begin to take time each day to pay attention to what you are finding even if it makes you feel badly. Until you resolve the things you find, they will continue to feed your ego and you will eventually lose your inner battle. Humble yourself before what you find and the rewards are waiting there for you. The reward is peace. Each time you resolve an inner issue, you move a step closer to finding the peace of your inner self.
Here is where the 'meek' part comes in. Once we calm our minds and our ego loses its control over us, our true self begins to emerge. The true self is the same for every person on the planet, but most of them are hidden behind their enormous egos. The true self wants peace and happiness, it is that simple. The true self does not want to suffer but knows that it must at times if it wants to remain in this existence. Acceptance of this fact removes suffering once it is truly understood.
You will know you are wide awake when all you want is peace. If you find other things throughout the day that takes away from your peace then that is simply your ego trying to get involved again. Focus on peace until it becomes natural and you don't need to force it anymore.
What you will find eventually is that you will become a kinder and more gentle person, but don't mistake this for weakness. The more humbled you become to life itself, the more peaceful your existence will be. Some may even begin to refer to you as being 'meek'.
As we 'wake up', we begin to realize what is truly important, instead of being told what is important. I would assume that humans from the past such as Jesus or Buddha would be seen as being 'meek', especially by the rich and powerful, but I don't think anyone now would assume their words and actions to be 'meek'.
I don't know about you, but if being meek means being more like Jesus or Buddha, then I am in. And if the 'meek shall inherit the Earth', then the world would certainly be a better place with people like that running it.
Although there are several philosophies on conscience and consciousness, I like to believe that humans are created with innate goodness, and we simply have to find it. Certainly the world would not move forward at such a rapid rate, and the progress of goods and services would likely decline, but the depth and ethical value of the human spirit would increase at rapid rates.
I don't know about you but I hope the statement in the title of this article is true because that is a future to hope for. That is the future I want for our children and their children. We have created a horrible world to bring more children into and I believe it is our responsibility to fix it for them
Millions of people believe the Bible to be prophetic, and in this instance I hope their beliefs to be accurate. I believe we are going to see some horrible things in the world in the near future, and many horrible things are already happening. Prepare yourself by finding your inner peace so you take care of what is important to you when the priorities of the world change.
Be one of the 'meek' and inherit this world so you can help to make it better for generations to come.
Monday, November 27, 2017
There is a skill that Narcissists are missing and they covet it above all else. They have a partial, or complete lack of Empathy, and will stop at nothing to try and acquire it. This is the reason that naturally empathetic people are very often victims to the narc. It is not like they can steal our empathy from us, so what is their strategy?
Narcissists are 'ego' beings, and they use the illusion of themselves to control their environments with their behaviour. The ego is a very powerful human tool and narcissists wield it like a weapon to constantly protect their cowardly core, or their 'self'. They have little or no empathy because they loathe their true self and use their ego to protect their illusion of self. Yet their ego knows how important empathy and compassion are when living in the social world. Without it, they would never be able to gain the trust needed in the first place to start abusing their victims.
So how do they gain empathy? They don't! They mimic or mirror empathy when their ego sees it in others. They will spend weeks and months mirroring your behaviours so that they can learn how to appear empathetic to others. In my opinion, this is what makes a narcissist more dangerous than any other people on the planet. They are evil and self loathing at their core, yet they can appear to be the most caring and compassionate people on the outside.
This begins to leave every person you meet in question. How do you know you have met a narcissist who is simply displaying empathy, as opposed to someone who is actually empathetic? I wish there was a simple answer I could share, or a quick test you could do to identify a narc, but there is no definitive way to do so. There are things you can look for though.
It is one thing to have empathy and to be able to use this skill, but it is another thing to mirror it, because if the narc has never mirrored certain aspects of empathy then it simply won't be a tool at their disposal. For example, if we see an animal being abused, an empathetic person will display concerned and caring behaviours and expressions, whereas a narc will not know what they are supposed to feel until they watch an empathetic person do so. If they have never mirrored it, their behaviours and expressions will not match the situation.
The more a narcissist mirrors good people, the most kind and caring they can learn to appear. That is why they prey on empathetic people. That is their strategy. Surround themselves with kind and caring people so that they can observe and mimic their behaviour. Here is the tough part. I would suppose that this could be a good thing, and that narcissists could learn to be more caring people if they continued to learn this way, but their core self does not change through this process and their ego illusion continues to grow.
If you consider yourself a naturally empathetic person, you have likely been preyed upon by a narc at some point in your life already, but at the time we just did not know it. So, how do we protect ourselves from the nasty effects of NPD on the victims? I will continue to say that educating yourself is the best first step. There is an explosion of information on narcissism out there, and although not all of it is good information, there is an abundance of well researched words in regards to this issue. The more you learn about it, the better you can protect yourself.
I have learned to protect myself for the most part, and can usually identify a narc within about 5 minutes of conversation now, but I can still be fooled as well I am sure. So I continue to educate myself, keep myself protected from predators, but in the mean time I have decided to take a more aggressive approach by finding ways to fight back. We have lived in a defensive position long enough in regards to all of the narcissists running the system, and now we must find a way to go on the offense.
It is my personal belief that the naturally empathetic people of the world will be the first ones to be able to identify the evil of narcissism on our planet. There is a rise of theories in regards to lightworkers, empaths, starseeds, and all kinds of other magical thinking being shared, but it all has some merit at its core. Each theory has the same premise at its core in regards to the growth of empathy and compassion, and although the ideologies are quite odd, and believe me some of them are 'out there' in their way of thinking, they explain the evolutionary need for kinder human beings.
What does it take to create a kinder and more compassionate human being? Empathy is the answer to that! The change on our planet right now has to do with our evolutionary need for unity. Unity will only come once people become more caring and kind. Empathy is the cure to narcissism and the Empaths of the world will be kind of like the doctors in this regard. We will go on the offense and teach human kindness and compassion, even if we have to force it down the throats of the Narcs.
Here is your thought for the day. How do we force human kindness and compassion onto others, and can we teach the narcissists how to be empathetic? I don't have this answer yet, although I continue to work on it in my research. I do know this, the key to teaching a narcissist is to get them to do something they have never done before, to reflect upon their true self. This is a terribly difficult task because the last thing a narc wants to look at it their true self, they are happy with the ego illusion they have created.
If you can find a way though, you may be the first to discover the cure to this overwhelming evil spreading across our planet.
Thursday, November 23, 2017
What are some of the reasons it is so hard to fight back at a narcissist? First of all, don't ever underestimate them, they are often much more clever than we know. I don't call them intelligent, i like to use the words clever, or maybe devious is a better choice. Let's just say that they are very good at what they do and at using the tools they have such as, gas-lighting, love-bombing, stonewalling and any other narc term you can find.
So they have a list of devious tools to use in their approach of abusing others around them, what do we have? Do we sink to their level and use the same tactics? I suppose some of the strategies they use could be used against them as well in turn, but remember that they are often pros at using these tools, and if you are the abused, then you likely are only an amateur at this point.
I will prefer to remain an amateur when it comes to using the narc's tactics, but I will certainly continue to educate myself about every one of the tools they use. I use Star Wars analogies at times and like to reference the Dark Side as the narcissists, and the Light Side of the force has the empathetic and kind-natured beings. The Light Side does not use the tactics of the Dark, yet they still find ways to win in the end.
Narcissists often hide behind others and use the important people in their environment to create a shield around them. Don't ever kid yourself, narcs are complete cowards at their core, but getting to that core can be difficult. They are shielded in the illusion of the image they create for those around them, and in turn, the flying monkeys, minions and enablers create another shield around that one as they are duped by the narcissist. Often their displays of arrogance and complete lack of remorse or empathy will come off as a strong dose of confidence, but you can learn to see the difference if you look closely enough.
It can be quite simple to put a narc into a tailspin if you know which 'buttons to push'. But it is one thing to push buttons, and another to create progress in this fight. If the narc is hiding behind a fortress of minions and an illusion of deceit, how can one fight back directly at the narc when they are afraid to come out of hiding? Can we draw them out of hiding? Do we have to fight our way into the inner circle of lies in order to start sorting them out?
I don't actually have the answer, but I am testing social theories on a regular basis as I search for some. I am not normally the type of person to use words in a blog or on other social media sites to bring a problem to the surface because i would much rather deal with the person/s directly. I prefer head on debate in order to find real truth, because the behaviours don't lie, and I can fortunately read behaviour like someone would read a book. And this becomes the greatest weakness of the narc because they can not hide that part of themselves from everyone, especially someone like me.
My 'core' still contains a few fears, but very few, and certainly none in regards to facing others head on. On the other hand, the narcs I am dealing with are filled with fear, especially when their image or reputations are in question in the public eye. They are absolute cowards at their core because their core is built upon lies and illusion, and that is certainly no proper foundation for an empathetic human being to have.
For now I will continue to push the truth out in any forum in front of me without any fear at all, and I will continue to search for solutions to correcting the imbalances around us.
Although I see many 'cracks in the armour' surrounding the current narc I am dealing with, it will still be a long battle if I continue working from the outside in. Instead I will find different ways to use the truths that I hold to draw out the narc or narcs in involved. If I share the right information to the right people, the narcs will eventually have no choice but to come out of their 'fortress of illusion' in order to defend themselves. And as long as I don't slander anyone and share only the truth, then my platform for debate should bring results one way or the other, but at least progress will be made.
A public platform is the perfect place to deal with narcissists if you have truth on your side, and nothing to lose. They will have to defend their image and reputation while all we have to do is share the truth, but this will only work if you don't also have to defend your image as well, I know who I am and have no need to defend myself to others anymore. I am kind and compassionate with a natural empathetic nature, but also someone who normally does not take shit from anyone. Yet narcs have slithered out from under their rocks throughout my whole life to prey upon my good nature.
I decided not to reach under those rocks any more because I am tired of being bit. I have dealt with smear campaigns and will not sink to the same level. A smear campaign uses deceit or even partial truths to destroy, whereas I plan to use only truths that are objective in nature so that others can make choices for themselves. I would prefer a head on debate rather than using this platform to expose things, but for now I will use what I have because I am tired of being the abused!
I stated in my last article that my hypothesis is that NPD can be cured by empathy. I am not exactly sure how to inflict empathy onto the narc yet, but I have several theories I have created and am working from right now. The basis for my argument is that if Narcs have no empathy and that this is the reason for their affliction, then a dose of empathy is exactly what they need. If they could touch on empathy for even one moment, it would cause them to reflect upon themselves, and take a look in the mirror for the first time.
If a narc can learn to understand and judge themselves in the same way that normal people do, they will learn to see the reflection of their actions in those around them. For the moment they only care about themselves and their own needs, but if they were affected by empathy, they would have to look at the reflection of their own ego, and this will be emotionally painful for them after all of the bad things they have done to others. This is why a narc will not self-reflect, they are afraid, and are cowards at the core.
As usual, I will continue to share my findings along the way, and let you know what works and what doesn't. If you have any theories you would like to share, please comment or email them to me. I am on a mission bring power back to the Light side of the force and can longer sit back and watch good people be silently abused. I often feel like one Jedi standing up against the whole force of the dark side, but I have faith in human goodness and believe that the light side of the force will prevail
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
I often have to ask myself certain questions in order to better understand what my true purpose is, and the answers always lead me to theories and hypotheses. From the time I finished my college degree in the field of social work, I have looked at the 'social' world in a very different way from anytime before in my life. The theories and hypotheses of social sciences became very relevant to my own life, and I find myself constantly testing social hypotheses on my own 'micro' level.
Although I see patterns in our social systems and can often see the bigger picture of social problems, I also know that I must start small when I test social theories.
When we see problems in the world, we believe that our words can change or alter these problems, except the problems most people are seeing are just the biggest ones, or the 'macro' problems, and we immediately want to do something. Some will move forward with attempts at change while others will see the overwhelming truth in front of them and will just give up immediately. Personally, I like to break down the macro problems so that I can begin dealing with them on a micro level first, kind of like getting practice in the minors so that I can move up to the majors.
Narcissism and NPD have become an overwhelming problem in the world, and nobody seems to know how to deal with it yet, including me. All I can do is deal with the facts we have determined as a society so far, look for patterns, and apply these things to my own personal experience and knowledge in order to find solutions. In order to find solutions, I must have a hypothesis to work from in order to test certain social theories.
I am using the direction of a personal issue I have with a narcissist, and testing certain theories in order to find some sort of solutions that I can then apply to the larger problem we are faced with in our world today. If you don't believe me that this is a growing and already large issue, check out just the amount of Facebook pages devoted to Narcissist Abuse and the like. How do you plan to face the problem?......because it is not going to get better on its own!
I realize that my community problem is mostly micro level, and that the individuals involved are tiny specks in the ocean in relation to the larger problem, but again, I must start somewhere. Want to find test theories and decent factual evidence in regards to narcissists, the information can be found everywhere. A good place to start is with the DSM-V so that you can begin by 'knowing your enemy'.
If this 'small fish' can find ways to deal with the problem on a micro scale in my own community, then I may be able to apply my successes to the larger picture in the future. That is my plan and theory for the moment, and I will continue to share my findings with you here.
For the moment, I believe that if I no longer try to deal with my opponent head on, I will begin to find other opportunities. Already I have found other avenues to expose certain truths that will only mar the image of those who have done things wrong or unethical. The nice thing about testing my theories is that nobody will be harmed socially unless they have actually done something wrong.
Here is the neat part, if you are a narcissist, you already believe you have done nothing wrong and never do anything wrong, so when the exposure occurs, you will get to understand how it felt for your victims. On the other hand, if you are not a narcissist, you will know immediately that you are not if you have an ounce of empathy for what I am writing. You too have been abused and know how horrific it can feel.
The narcissist has no empathy and if you are narcissist who has affected me in a negative way, you will feel anger and frustration at the moment because you will now know you are a Narcissist, maybe for the first time. If you are a narcissist, I am suggesting you take a very close look at yourself for the first time because when you finally see yourself clearly in the mirror, you will be devastated by how you have treated others! The longer you wait to reflect upon yourselves, the more painful it will be.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Sometimes I get into deep reflective states that can last for days and I just don't feel like writing. I have been receiving quite a few email responses from both local and distant readers, and felt I should try to write something new today.
Although someone can find relief from toxic memories through forgiveness and letting go, there always seems to be something residual that does not leave completely. I can let go of any anger and frustration I have towards my abuser, and have done so, but that is only my personal relief and peace of mind. There is always something still nagging at the heart, and that is because the problem still exists and has had no resolution whatsoever.
I have a natural empathy that will not allow me to forget about others who are still suffering and have suffered at the hands of the same abuser. The problem still exists, the abuser is still abusing, and nothing has been resolved. What would you do at this point? For my own peace of mind, I could simply walk away and never think of it again, and I could! But my heart would never forgive me for allowing the abuse to continue.
As I press forward with my plan, I am proud to say that the first steps have been successful. If I were to share them you may see them as small successes, but they have laid the ground work for the next step in the 'chess' game I am playing. I had no guarantee and often little hope that my first steps would have any success at all, and they were often just words, theories and plans that I would share with those closest to me.
They likely thought I was a little eccentric at times, but they are also pleased to see my progress since it has become a large part of my healing process. I can't share the details of my plan at this point, but it will be laid out in my book labelled, The Puppeteer of WN. It used to be my suspicion and hope that certain individuals would 'creep' me long enough to read the words I have set out for them, but I now have verification that the words have reached some of the 'right' people.
My words are meant to help others who have suffered similar experiences and for those who don't know how to deal with the current narcs in their lives. They are also meant to serve my own self purpose, which is to expose the truth about my own narcissist abuser and her minions, who are all very 'public' figures in our community.
Nothing matters more to a narcissist than their image or reputation. The next logical step for me now is to expose truths that will offer a more honest look at these images and reputations, and as I stated before in an earlier article, we are heading into a municipal elections in less than a year, so what better time to make these issues available for public discussion.
I will share many details of my progress as I stand up to the bullying narcissists in my community, as well as any successes and failures that may help others along their approach to anti-bullying. I will be setting up an online campaign which will offer stories about certain public positions and their actions. They will be objective articles which will be posted so other can make their own judgments of these public employees.
Of course, my end goal still has a specific focus of a certain literacy agency in WN and the horrific mental abuse going on there. The worst part is that this is a not-for-profit agency, the stress and abuse is completely unnecessary! Maybe one day I will get a call from an interested party who would like to work this all out in a much nicer way, but I won't hold my breath until then.
Friday, November 17, 2017
I have the though pop into my head earlier, did I deserve the abuse that I received? Had I done something wrong or done bad things that caused someone else to treat me poorly and abuse my good nature? After much reflection over the past couple of years, I know that not all of my actions are ever perfect, but they are all well intended and come from a place of empathy and kindness. Did I do anything to deserve how I was treated?? Not even close!!
This has been one of the barriers I have met over and over again in my healing process, but I don't know if I have ever been so clear of a certain line of questioning towards myself. If I had done things to deserve the abuse then I could have looked back and understood that this was a consequence of my own actions. That is what has added to the difficulty of 'getting over it'. I certainly did not deserve the treatment I received and therefore must now do something about it.
If we allow people freedom to abuse others with no recourse, then how can we stand up and be proud as human beings? I still understand the idea of 'no contact' with the narcissist, but this is for our 'self' so we can heal first. Once we have healed inside, we must use that healed state to heal wrongs in the world I believe. I may be healed, but the other abused have not, and there will be more as long as the abuser holds the power and pulls all of the strings.
I have to admit that I now find it a little amusing how She can pulls the strings of everyone around her, and they don't even know. Even her bosses never get to see the real her, and she pulls their strings like a skilled puppeteer would. I wonder how long before those strings will break once the mask falls off, and the truth is revealed?!
Someone asked me recently how I finally made the choice to get away from my abusive situation in the workplace. I had put all those memories away for the most part and had not thought about it in a long time, but it turned out to offer a little closure and understanding to myself.
I will share a bit about the day I just could no longer let myself be abused anymore. I was working at the Literacy Alliance in West Nipissing, and honestly loved almost every aspect of my job, and am very good at what I do. This is not a statement of ego or conceit, I am just a very dedicated and loyal employee who has a special kind of love for the clients I was serving because I can truly empathize and understand them well. It was my dream job and at the same time I was being led through the worst anxiety and slow terror of my life.
I would show up early, leave late, take short lunches, and work extra hours anytime without a need(or offer) of money or restitution. I worked hard and diligently for my clients and their successes were my rewards. I was happy to do anything required until I began being taken advantage of as opposed to appreciated for my efforts. And the lies that were told to keep me doing this stuff were amazing when I look upon them in retrospect.
I had been pushed to a low point and the 'triangulation' in my work environment was quickly adding to my feelings of isolation and anxiety, even though I was surrounded by people. I was quietly being fed lies that I would soon start taking over the business and the executive director was going to begin pulling away from the business. These lies, like many before, kept the 'carrot dangling' in front of me so that I would continue to put up with the abuse I was suffering. So many lies!
With the possible exit of the abusive individual, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, and not just for me but for the other employees who were being slowly terrorized as well. I could see the possibilities of an organization that would thrive and no longer be filled with stress and anxiety each day. Even though I had been pushed to a very low point by the narc, I still had an ounce of hope, and that is what she continued to use against me, until.......
We sat down for a meeting about an upcoming plan at contract time with four of us. As I sat and listened to more lies being spouted by the director, I can still clearly remember every moment, and the darkness that began to fall upon me in that moment. That was when it happened! I got to see clearly that I was being lied to again and again, and the others at the table got to see it too!
She told us that she had just signed a contract for another 3 years with the organization along with another huge raise (and this person already makes more than double the wage of anyone else in the building). That was my 'snapping' point. I knew in that instant that I could not survive another year, let alone 3 more, with this abusive person, it would have literally been the end of me.
All I had to do at that point was to ask a couple of questions that had been plaguing me there for a long time. I asked about where all the money was going in the organization and that is when She flipped out and tried to cover her tracks. And she even lied more trying to explain everything for the benefit of the others I had asked in front of. On top of that, she asked the others to leave at the time and told me I accused her of stealing! I had said nothing of the sorts!
I am very good with numbers and took care of a lot of the number issues in that place, and therefore had access to everything. I kept seeing discrepancies in spending, yet I was always assured that things were all above board. I also knew that once I had asked the questions about the finances that it would drive a wedge between myself and the lies I was being fed. It only took the narc 4 days to push me out of the building, and on top of it, she was able to 'smear' my name and have everyone believing that I had done something wrong, and that I was suffering mental health issues.
The negative causes of my mental health issues at the time were all coming from that same person. She knew exactly what she was doing and still does. Although devastating to me at the time, I am happy all that happened in the end or I may have continued to a point where I could not longer heal. My PNSD or Post Narcissistic Stress Disorder would have gone so deep that even this past year and a half would not have been enough time to heal.
Well, now I have healed and my voice works very well again, it is no longer imbalanced and filled with anxiety/fear. I finally learned that my health and well being was worth more than any carrot being dangled before me, and that is when She lost control of me. Not only does She have no more control over me, but as a problem solver, I can no longer turn a blind eye to what she has done to me, and what she is still doing to others.
Thank God I got out of my abusive situation, and I am thankful for what I have learned along the way, and the immense personal growth I was forced to endure. I suppose the fun part for me is that I know that the narcissist has not grown one bit, and therefore I will be much stronger in this fight now than she will be.
I referred to the game of chess for dealing with issues involving a lot of players in an earlier article, and how to view each person involved like a piece on the board. Although the pieces are important in the game, it only really takes one to win. I am a very good chess player, but it is not the game I am playing because I only hold a piece or two at the moment. I am playing the opponent directly!
All I have to do is protect my couple of pieces and be very patient. I am in no hurry. I am not out to destroy my opponent in any way, I just want the game to be over, but i also won't stop until the 'white' pieces have won. I will continue to play my opponent until She gives up or loses this game. I have lost most of my pieces already and have nothing else to lose, and this is where the game gets very interesting. I get to sit back and watch the pieces fall on the other side, and fall they will!
I will finish with this today; if you want to beat your opponent, (and believe me the narcissist is always your opponent whether you know it or not) then you must first know who your opponent is. Fortunately my opponent has been well assessed as someone with NPD and is therefore easier to understand. There is an abundance of information out there on the tactics and strategies these people use to abuse others, and I have likely read most of it over the past couple of years.
I now know my opponent better than she knows herself, and I have the strength to endure the 'long game'. The game began a long time ago, and I believe she hoped that I would be stuck in a stalemate forever. Well, my king and queen have not given up yet, nor will they.
I have long awaited this spring in regards to this purpose and rather than feeling empty and destroyed as i did when I left the abusive situation, I feel empowered and inspired to drive the change that is required. There is more than one narcissist to deal with now and 'the game is afoot' so to speak. I have cultivated the wisdom and skills needed through the dark times to move from defense to offense. And believe me, I know how to be much more 'offensive' these days.😁
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
I have always believed in standing up for the 'little guy', and helping the underdog, but only if their goal is 'just'. It is quite often the 'little guy' who has the just purpose and that is why he/she fights so hard for their goal in the first place. I also see a pattern where the 'little guy' is concerned, and that is they are quite often the 'nice' or compassionate person who has been pushed down by the more powerful beings around them.
I am the 'little guy' in my fight against narcissism and narcissistic abuse, I get that! The 'little guy' often gets pushed around and pushed down until they simply give up, and the 'big guys' keep pushing forward with their self centered agendas. Well, how about when the 'little guy' decides not be little anymore?
I expect that the more truths I write, the more I will be slandered, smeared and treated like a social pariah to those currently in power. At one point in my life, that would have bothered me, but now I welcome it all. For the most part, I am a nice guy who treats others with empathy and compassion, naturally! I do have another side that comes to life when wrongs are committed, and that other side will stop at nothing to right those wrongs.
That side finally came to life after about a year of healing from my own abuse, and the purpose behind it grows each day. I have spent my whole life seeking justice for others, but forgot how to do so for myself. As someone who is naturally empathetic, I am have been preyed upon throughout my whole life by narcissists, and only began to realize the full spectrum of the problem over the past couple of years, especially after working for a master narcissist in a not-for-profit organization in our community of West Nipissing
I have been a good source of supply for Narcs for many years without even realizing it, just like so many other empathetic beings do. I am still an excellent source of 'supply' for Narcs now, but unfortunately for them, the supply I offer will now toxify them just like they do to good people. I can spot a Narc a mile away, and I will always treat them with compassion, there will be no respect added to that compassion though. Respect is reserved for good people who earn it!
Although I have altered my thinking quite a bit over the few years in regards to justice for my self, it is still not my primary purpose, and I have to blame my natural empathy for that one. I have a difficult time turning my care towards myself first when there are others around me being mistreated or abused. So in the mean time, I have turned myself in to a 'rock' once again, and allow nothing to penetrate my exterior, unless I knowingly allow it.
In order to attain my true purpose in life of helping others in need, I will now hurl myself, or the rock, at the people who are abusing their power and social status while harming others in the process. The justice I seek in the world right now is justice for those who are trying to help themselves, but are overwhelmed and stuck being the 'little guy' as well.
My ability to write words like these offers me the opportunity to no longer be a 'little guy'. "The pen is mightier than the sword" is such a valid statement. Well presented words can change just about any situation, even an abusive one. The words I will continue to share have the underlying purpose of helping an innocent person/people who are stuck in an abusive situation, and should no longer have to suffer the effects.
There is simply no need for the abuse or the behaviour of the Narc i am speaking of. She should be ashamed of herself, but I know she does not understand shame. I do have empathy towards even this horrible being, and understand that she suffers from a mental illness, but in no way does this condone her negative and abusive behaviours towards others, and the enablers who stand behind her should certainly be feeling some shame at this point, but I believe they are too ignorant and self-centered to see what is actually going on.
Well, this 'little guy' will make sure that everyone can see the truth, and then the community as a whole can decide what is right! This is not about me attacking Narcs for the most part, it is about exposing the truths of their behaviours in their public positions so that citizens can make an educated decision on how they feel about the shitty things going on behind closed doors in our community,
The 'VIP's' in our community have controlled their image for many year through coercion and fear, but that will no longer work for them. We may not have a proper newspaper or media to keep our public employees in check, but this 'little guy' will continue to keep pushing forward and doing their work for them. I look forward to seeing you all out there on the 'playing field' as our community heats up during election time.
It should be fun, well maybe for the truth seekers, not so much for those who hide the truth!
Namaste and good day my friends
Monday, November 13, 2017
Throughout my own healing process over the past year or so, I have written about several mental health issues from the standpoint of both a counselor, and a client. As I researched and reflected for many months, the focus of the deeper issues became clear, and now I am finally left with goals and purpose in my being once again. Because of life experiences and training, I knew I would find the 'darkest' stuff near the end of the process, and sure enough my focus has become psychological and narcissistic abuse.
We can be injured physically and watch the healing happen before our very eyes. How do you chart your progress when your injuries and scars are on a mental scale? There are many answers to this, but for me the progress is my chart. Where is my mental state of being currently, and what items continue to plague me even after an abundance of healing?
Although I have been through more than my share of psychological abuse, I am thankful to have had those things along life's journey, because they have made me mentally stronger and wiser than i could have ever imagined. Yes, the experiences and the dark times sucked, there is no getting around that, but we can either let those things destroy us, or make us stronger. It is a choice in personal growth.
I have chosen to continue growing from the inside out, whereas the Narc will always choose from the outside in. Their image and reputation are of the utmost importance, and way above the need to treat others with any sort of empathy or compassion. So now that I have mostly healed everything on the inside, I find myself left with a few toxic items laying around in there, and they all come from outside sources, and of things that have been left unresolved.
So Why fight back at narcissists? Most of the current research points people to 'no contact' when dealing with narcs. It is suggested to leave the toxic situation and don't look back, for your own health. As someone who has had a lot of experience with this type of abuse and someone who attracts narcs like flies to crap, I can tell you that the suggestion is a good one, but only for a while!
Healing from the mental abuse can take months or even years for some, and that is if it is ever healed completely, which I would assume is quite rare. This is the type of abuse that can plague your mind for the rest of your life. So how do we deal these underlying issues then? I have several theories on this subject but currently I am only interested in my working theories. It is my belief at the moment that because the issues I am healing from are still unresolved on the outside, I will not be able to complete my healing and resolve my underlying resentment unless I resolve the problems that outside of my inner self.
There are several narcissists that have caused inner struggles for me, but for now I focus on the most prevalent, and the one that still reminds me daily that it is unresolved. The person who caused most of my underlying resentment is still thriving while I deal with the effects they caused me. This needs to change in order for me to finish healing.
When i first 'crashed' after leaving my abusive work situation, I was exhausted, frustrated and likely angrier inside than I thought at the time. The attempts I made to bring down my abusers were small and unable to affect the situation, but I also know that resentment was driving the attempts at the time, and that was not the right approach. That is when I took my own advice and went with 'no contact' in order to heal.
Now I am ready to fight back at my narc and others because my proper focus has returned. I am no longer out for revenge or even retribution. I have always been an advocate for many issues throughout my life, and I even went back to college and trained in the arts of social justice and social work. My goal now is justice, and it has allowed me to turn the negative resentment and toxic feelings into a positive approach. I am out for social justice in my community right now, and the first resolution I am seeking is to correct the abusive situation still going on in the environment that I had to leave.
I can no longer sit back and watch the director of our local literacy agency and her minions continue to abuse others, especially the vulnerable ones that need that place. Someone has to put a stop to it and I believe that is what I am meant to do. I have met with several 'vip's' in our area over the past couple of weeks and I can see a small light at the end of the tunnel now. In one of my earlier articles I explained that these people have the option of contacting me and atoning for their actions, but since I have received no replies in that regard, I will diligently press forward.
There is a big shake-up that is going to happen over the coming months, and many of the public positions in our community will be brought to the surface so that certain actions and behaviours will be exposed to the general public, including my blogs. I am seeking social justice right now and will stop at nothing to see it through to its fruition. There will be a few narcissistic individuals who are currently enjoying their power and untarnished reputations, who will experience some negative press.
I would have preferred a different kind of resolution because it is never my purpose to intentionally hurt anyone, even the evil narcissists. I have had to choose the concept of justice to appease myself as I move forward. I expect I will tarnish the images of quite a few Narcs in West Nipissing, and it is almost unfortunate for them that this is how they will be remembered even after all of the good things they 'think' they have done. Things never had to happen this way, but justice must be served!
If you have been harmed or abused by a narcissist, I hope my words help you a little in your own effort to move forward in life. If you are a narcissist reading this, especially if you are one the specific narcs I am pointing at, this is just the beginning of the game. I did not start the game, but as I stated in an earlier article, I am a good chess player and I don't give up until all options are exhausted.
I believe I am in for a long battle at the moment, but I am certainly up for it this time around.
Namaste and be well
Thursday, November 9, 2017
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
I am viewing my current purposes in my life and community as a chess game in order to 'make better moves' so to speak. My personal chess game to solve my own life issues began quite a while back and you can find indications of this in my earlier articles. The chess game in my community began yesterday for me. I found out that I am no longer alone in my struggles in West Nipissing, and that there are a lot of 'pissed off' people out there who want positive change like I do.
What this means for me is that there are more pieces on the board now, especially on my side, and that there is a game that can be won. There is the ethical side of things where the issues are very people centered, and those are the white pieces of course. The 'light side of the force' if you are a Star Wars fan like me. The corrupt public officials involved in nepotism, coercion, and outright bullying of citizens on the other hand easily fit the image of the black pieces on the board.
Their side still has all the pieces on the board and had almost wiped out the white pieces,, but there are a couple of 'knights' still protecting the king and queen on the white side, and if you have every played chess, the knights can be very dangerous in the way that they move around the board, and we often don't see them coming. Well, I see the knights already finding ways to get the pawns to the other side safely so they can become queens as well, and the queen holds most of the power. If you don't believe me, take a look at our community and the so-called leaders we have, and the queens hold way too much power right now.
So let's get to the point of my chess metaphor now. Our community has one year now to our local elections, and it is my belief that things will heat up more than previous years due to the overabundance of social and economic issues here. The politicians will be prepping for their photo shoots at all of the local events and working out how to promote themselves in the best light possible. And for many citizens, they will be fooled by this.
On the other hand, if I and others begin educating our local citizens now, the chess board will begin to even itself out so we can get to the source of the real problems, instead of being fooled by the glitter and glam that the politicians will use. Because we know more about narcissistic behaviours, hopefully more people will see past the surface of these people and look beyond their masks. The black pieces on the board have been strutting around arrogantly for too long now, and I have to believe they are getting a little nervous for the first time in a long while.
I am quite obviously sitting with the few white pieces right now preparing for battle, and gain much confidence as more pieces come back to the board. By the way black pieces, I am an excellent chess player, and a tremendously patient individual. I believe this is going to be a very long and tough year for you all, but remember, you can always atone and join the white pieces as well, you do have that choice! But that choice won't last long once the battle truly begins.
Welcome to the chess match people, you are welcome as spectators or even better, become a participant in the game. Educate yourself, show up at council meetings, make your presence known and let the black pieces know that you are ready for change. I went to college for social work and was trained as what they call a 'change agent'. I am all for social change when it is needed and my hopes are that good and compassionate citizens will stand up and fight for positive change as well.
I will support the politicians and town officials who are people centered, but if you are self-centered then unfortunately we will have to remove you from the board this time around.
If you have ever had to spend an abundance of time with someone who has NPD(narcissistic personality disorder), you have experienced the part where you stand up for yourself after the abuse becomes too much to handle, and the Narc plays the victim. It becomes a lose-lose situation for the real victim in the situation. The Narc will play a victim as well as professional athlete plays their sport.
I often use a sport's analogy when talking to others about narcissism because their games and drama are like a sport to them where they are highly skilled, and their victims are always novices. Professional athletes often like the challenge of pitting their skills against other pros, but narcissists will almost always prey on weaknesses in others. Not weak people, often their prey are strong people whose weaknesses and vulnerabilities are easily manipulated by a skilled sociopath. Often the weakness preyed upon is empathy combined with compassion.
Playing the victim role gives the narc exactly what they need for their supply and control. They gain the sympathies of those around them and create 'flying monkeys' who will do almost anything to appease the narcissist, especially to calm situation. It becomes the constant anxiety and conflict that keeps the victims off balance, while the drama being caused keeps the focus on the narcissist, and they maintain their control of the others.
If you are looking for signs around you to see if there is something not right about this narcissistic person, look for a double standard in how you are treated as opposed to how the narc expects to be treated. You will find little or no equality there. I should clarify that not all narcissists become bad people, it is merely the intent that is underlying the disorder. Look for the intent of the narc rather than trying to sort out their actions.
If you are looking for a 'show' to amuse you, do your best to sit back and observe the narc the next time she plays the victim. When viewing it objectively instead of subjectively, you will often find that you are watching a 'soap opera' actress throwing a temper tantrum. It can be quite amusing if you know what you are looking at, but if you are stuck in the mire of the narc's shitty world, you will often get only more anxiety and frustration from their behaviour.
Don't be fooled by the narc's victim status, they will wear it like a badge in order to pull you back into the 'dark side of the force'. I love Star Wars references by the way. I see narcissists as the evil imperialists and Sith lords, and the victims often appear as the Jedis who are constantly being crapped on while they fight for 'good'.
I write a lot of my stuff in general terms, but as I have stated before, I have a 'muse' of sorts for the projection of my issues and ideas, and she is evil at the core. It seems the more people I talk to in our community, the more that are starting to realize this as well. And of course I am always happy to fill in some of the details for them.
When you begin to discover the symptoms and tactics of a narcissist or person with NPD, you learn to view their behaviours in a different way. Where I used to feel anxiety and frustration every single day, I now often view their behaviours with amusement, and I find I treat them like children now. That of course tends to fuel their negative behaviours even further, and I often escalate these types of situations now. Although I can handle the 'long game' that the narc likes to employ, I like to see them remove their masks much more quickly now, so i tend to push the envelope a little more forcefully.
So the next time you see someone stand up to the narc and puts them in their place, watch closely as the narc uses their tactics to turn themselves into the victim, even though they are likely getting exactly what they deserved. They will smear the person they perceive as the attacker and use anyone around them they can find to sympathize and support their victim status. Stop feeling bad for the narcissist, please! Stand up for the real victims in these situations.
Yes, it will likely make things more difficult for you as the narc attacks you as well, but at least your true inner self will be proud of you, instead of bringing you much guilt later for not helping the real victim. The bullying logo for our community last year was Step up, stand up I believe, and I am asking you to do exactly that. If you have ever been the real victim while the Narc plays the victim, you will know how horrible this feels when those around you turn their backs toward the fake victim.
Don't be an enabler, stop being a flying monkey, and if you don't know what these terms mean, look them up, it only takes a few seconds. If you are a good person, you will find that you don't want to be one of these negative terms, but if you only think you are a good person and are please with being a narc supporter, maybe you should get to a mental health professional and get yourself checked out.
Contact me anytime and I will be happy to provide you with an assessment of your status in this regard.
Namaste and good day
Monday, November 6, 2017
Sunday, November 5, 2017
If there is good article or journal on NPD (Narc) and general narcissism out there on the internet, I have likely scanned or read it. This is not really true of course, but I would have to believe that I have read through over half of the huge pile of information to be found. Just like every other person abused by a Narc, I knew some terrible things had happened, especially within myself, and I had a great need to understand it all better in the hopes that I could eventually heal.
I have healed for the most part from my ordeal, yet lingering things still arise, and when they do I tend to face them head-on these days, as opposed to flight instinct that had its hold when I first left my abusive situation. These lingering feelings of resentment or fear have offered me some self purpose, and used correctly, should help me finish the healing process.
It took a long time and much deep reflection to gain the understanding needed to turn the flight instinct and fear based thinking off. That is what the Narc's game often is, to keep you off balance and out of control on a regular basis so that you can more easily be controlled by them through fear. The Narc will keep you in this state, and on what i call the 'rollercoaster ride' as long as they possibly can. And when the ride is over, they will toss you into the tracks, grab their new victims or flying monkeys, and roll right over top of you.
The idea of the roller coaster ride is where my point today is headed. The Narc has many mental tools in their arsenal and can be highly clever, devious, and downright evil in the use of these tools. If you aren't being 'love bombed' then you could be suffering the silent treatment or stonewalling at that point. If 'gaslighting' isn't the tool of choice today and all seems well at the moment, maybe you are being 'triangulated' and the 'flying monkeys' are helping to make you feel isolated right in the middle of it all.
The Narc I use as my 'muse' for these articles has all of the tools, and can use them as well as any I have encountered before. She is a master puppeteer, and still has many fooled, but not all. I believe the cracks in the armour are finally beginning to show. All Narcs eventually can't help but show their hidden side at some point, they are usually just very careful about who they show it to.
I have a working theory at the moment in fighting back at our Narcs. If they are able to use our weaknesses against us and keep us off balance until we break, why can we not do the same in return. Sure you can call this 'sinking to their level', 'retaliation', 'revenge' and even say that if their intent is malicious, wouldn't ours be as well?
My theory is that if I can find ways to unbalance my Narc through exposing their weaknesses, that they will eventually lose control of the illusion they have created, and their true self will begin to show. Kind of like a slow and arduous exorcism where I am pulling the demon to the surface so that it can no longer fool others and abuse its victims.
The Narcs most important possession is their reputation or image. I have to believe that is the place to start. Put their image in jeopardy and their fear will grow, just as mine did when my anxiety was used against me on a daily basis. It is also my belief that if I throw the silent treatment in once in a while, it will keep the Narc inside her own head wondering what I will do next. The more I look at how I was treated, the more ideas I find in fighting this bully, and hopefully others in the future.
I plan to expose a little at a time and watch for the results. I feel a bit like a bully I suppose, but I have spent much of my life standing up to the bullies of others and must believe that someone is supposed to do so. Someone has to bully the bullies once in a while in the hopes that they will eventually understand how it feels, and giving the bully the opportunity to experience empathy, maybe for the first time in their lives.
My approach may be seen as passive aggressive one, and I am okay with that. If my approach is successful, I will expose this Narc for who she is, and the problem can then be dealt with. The bullying of others will hopefully stop at that point and I will consider my methods a success. I cannot change what happened to me and nor would I, but I can no longer be a bystander who watches the abuse and bullying continue.
It is often said that 'the truth shall set you free'. I will use only the truth and my words in an attempt to set all those affected free. If the Narc has never been on a roller coaster ride like this one before, I will warn them, this will not be a fun ride, but i will try to make it exciting for you. If the Narc I am speaking of is reading this, I forgive you for what you did to me, but I can not quite forgive your continued abuse of others at this time. To use my ego for a moment, you pissed off the wrong person this time! But hey, if you feel you have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to fear from the truth.
I will start the ride right here. I have taken parts of my book and shared them with a few prominent people in our community and they were taken aback when they learned the other side of the Narc's behaviour. Word seems to spread quite quickly in our small community and I plan to use that to my advantage, just like the Narc did during their 'smear campaign' of me. The difference between her campaign and mine is that her was filled with lies and deceit whereas mine is just filled with truths.
I will share the events that unfold here along the way in the hopes that I can help other victims find ways to fight back at their bullying Narcs. They 'mirrored' your behaviours in order to learn your weaknesses and then used them to put you off balance. Why not try the same in return? I think 'An eye for an eye' fits very well here.
I will leave you with my quote of yesterday. If you are climbing the ladder of life right now, be careful who you step on or over as you do because that person may pull the ladder right out from beneath you.
Have a great day everyone!