Monday, December 5, 2016
Dispelling Negative Thinking
Although I spend most of my time with a positive attitude, negative thoughts plague me just like anyone else when life is not ideal. I am not complaining because I am fortunate to have all of the essentials of life, but then again I don't ask for much. My physical self does not always cooperate and has a way of pulling me down no matter how good my state of mind is.
When reading self-help style books I find a lot of suggestions to force positive thinking and to change my negative thinking through positive reinforcement. Although this can be helpful on a temporary basis, I take issue with this method. Negative thinking is not dispelled by simply forcing positive thoughts into their place.
We want to be able to think positive from the inside out, not the other way around!
Negative thinking is the result of something else, and until we identify and accept it, it will continue to come back over and over again. Even when we are in a good mood the negative thoughts will try to find their way back to the surface. We can not simply hide and suppress the thoughts and feelings and hope that they will eventually go away.
Negative thinking is often based in past events that have remained unresolved. It can also come from worry about the future which manifests itself in anxiety. Either way, the thoughts come from inner conflicts and we need to take a look at those thoughts so that we can problem solve.
Don't simply try to force positive thoughts in place of the negative ones. Deal with the negative thoughts as they surface. For me, I have difficult removing memories of psychological abuse because I am left without closure. If you have ever dealt with someone who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) for a long period of time, you will understand the inner ramifications they can cause.
The deceit and manipulation is designed to take the self-confidence and self-esteem from their victim. I don't play the victim well but the effects were overwhelming for quite a long while. A person with NPD, once they have turned on you, will do everything they can to ostracize the victim and make others believe that you are the person with something wrong, Even to the point that they will have everyone else around turn on you as well.
I say 'shame on those people' for siding against the victim!
So how do I dispel this negative thinking when it is still affecting me on a regular basis? I need to accept it before I can move on. Take some time and truly sit with the negative thoughts for a while and ask as many questions as possible. Why is it bothering us? What is the real source of the negative feelings? Can I do anything about it?
Once we have asked the questions, we need to determine if there is a satisfactory answer. Can we change our thinking or feelings towards the negativity? If we can, then do something about it, don't wait and let the negative thoughts control your life. If we can't do anything about it, then let it go.
I will never get an apology so I need to let things go, because it is only hurting me at this point. If we don't let the anger and negative thoughts go then it remains as a poison within us. We can't consume poison or toxins and hope that the other person will get sick, so we need to let go of the poison.
So what did I do this past weekend? I worked at the thoughts until I had no more questions to ask, and now my mind is no longer plagued with the negative thoughts. I let them go so that I can move on. My mind is clear because I have resolved the conflicts to a satisfactory outcome.
These negative thoughts get stuck in our minds because there are still questions to be asked, and answers are still needed. Take some time for yourself and start asking yourself questions. This process is not always easy since our egos love to remind us constantly of the unanswered questions we have.
Find the present moment and learn to observe your ego. The more we watch our ego, the more control we take over our thinking. The ego keeps our mind confused and fuzzy while trying to interact with the material world. Find the present moment and be mindful of your own thoughts. The questions are always right there, we just need to listen to them and find some answers.
For those who have treated us poorly and caused us inner turmoil, forget about them. Those people do not matter. Unfortunately we will have to deal with lots of evil people in the world, but how we let them affect us is our job. Evil people have more inner conflict than the rest of us but they just can't see it. It poisons them each and every day, and they will eventually be overwhelmed by their own issues
Karma is all the revenge you will ever need. 'What goes around comes around' is an old saying that should offer a little relief when we are trying to let things go. When we have been wronged it is easy to feel angry and vengeful, but let nature take care of things for us. We all answers for our actions at some point so all we need to do is continue to be good people, and to do good things.